I'm trying...

There really isn't any point in reading this post, because it's mostly just me venting. I'm crazy, emotional and pregnant. A lot of people have heard me complain about how tough things are right now, and some have even read about it through my blog or Facebook. Anyone close to us knows that the last year and a half has not been the easiest for us. I've always been a firm believer that God doesn't give you anything that you can't handle, and that I should always be looking for life's lessons in each of our hardships... But lately I have been struggling.

Jordyn has hands down been the greatest blessing God has ever given me. The first moment I looked into her eyes, my entire life took on a whole new purpose. I never imagined I could love someone so much. I feel such great responsibility to be a good mom, and have tried my best to always put her first. I'm sure I've made plenty of mistakes in mothering, but I promise that my heart has always been in the right place. After months of daycare, Scott and I decided it would be best if I were able to stay at home with her. I'm constantly obsessing if she is on track with development, eating well enough, getting enough sleep and generally being happy.

Just a few months after Jordyn's birth, we found out that my Dad has stage 4 thyroid cancer. I can't even begin to describe how devastating this has been for us and the amount of heartache this has caused for our family. Even writing this now, I'm having to pause to wipe the tears from my eyes. This hasn't been a subject that I have opened up about to too many people, for many reasons: I don't want pitty, when people acknowledge my feelings it makes me cry, this isn't about me and my feelings (it's about my Dad), most people don't understand and I don't expect them to, there isn't anything anyone can say that could make it better, I want to be strong, I don't want to make people feel awkward, and honestly I don't want to think about Cancer... I don't want it to be real. I don't want my Dad to read this or know how much I worry because I don't want him to worry about me. Cancer is impossible and unfair. Every time we get bad news it sends me into panic mode and I start thinking about all of the negative outcomes. He is so strong and positive, I am so thankful that he is such a fighter. He is currently on his second clinical trial drug and we are praying it's effective. I am doing my best to stay positive with him.

Last March Scott's job sent him to Ely, Nevada. Not having him here with me everyday sucks. He is such a good dad and husband... We need him! I know it sucks even worse for him. It's lonely on both ends. I'm here isolated with Jordyn and he's just isolated. For a whie I was watching other babies and spending all of my time with people in diapers, starving for adult interaction, but now it's just Jordyn and me. He spends all his time with smelly construction workers and then goes home to live in a motorhome all alone. Jordyn misses her dad and I miss my husband. It's tough to do simple things like get a hair cut or go to the doctor because Jordyn has to go with me. I complain about him being gone all the time and I wish I could be stronger, but I'm trying. Being a single parent is hard. It requires a lot of energy, and can be very lonely. I still can't believe that Scott has been gone for almost a year now.

One would think that we had a pretty full plate by this point, but we're crazy and wanted to add another baby to the mix. I am so happy to be pregnant again, and feel so blessed to be expecting a boy this April. Scott and I always wanted our kids close together and we both really wanted my Dad to be around for all of our children. Still, some people still think we're crazy and maybe even irresponsible for spreading ourselves so thin... To them I say boo! Of course this pregnancy has had complications... I almost lost him at 13 weeks and was put on bed rest. How the hell does a full time mom do bed rest? I have had to rely on family so much and I hate doing that! Since baby boy Davis is measuring so big, it looks lime I'm going to have to have a repeat C-section. Scott gets to take 4 weeks of f whe. This baby is born, but I'm nervous about handling both kids on my own when he leaves while still trying to heal from major surgery. I have no idea how I'm going to be able to do all of this, but I'm going to try my best.

I am trying so hard to hold everything together and still be a good mom, wife, daughter, sister, daughter-in-law and friend, but I sometimes feel like I'm failing at everything. I don't know why I'm bitching about all of this in a blog late at night, maybe it's because I got in a fight with my mother-in-law and miss my husband and can't sleep.

So much to update

I was so good at updating this blog when I was pregnant with Jordyn... But of course that was before I was chasing around a toddler.

Holy cow, my daughter is an animal! Please don't get me wrong, I love her to death, she is a wonderful kid, but she is still a toddler. Everything is about independence these days with Miss Jordyn. She is over strollers and highchairs which make shopping and meal time so much fun. Now that I'm pregnant and getting larger by the day it is getting harder and harder to chase her. I'm sure we are quite the show together in the mall.

Jordyn is incredibly smart, picking up new words every day... Some of her latest are "disgusting," and "Christmas." She also loves singing her "ABC's," and "Itsy Bitsy Spider." She goes nuts over water... Swimming, washing her hands, and doing dishes are favorite pastimes. She is amazing and such a blessing.

Over Thanksgiving we found out that we're expecting a BOY!!! We couldn't be more excited and I'm pretty sure Scott feels like he is on top of the world, he has already predicted the 2032 Rose Bowl MVP :). In other great news, my blood clot appears to be gone!!! I am off bed rest!!! I am so happy that this baby boy is growing perfectly and and that everything is going well.

I'm still not working, but actually getting to enjoy the time at home with Jordyn before baby boy comes. Today we went to the Lynnwood pool and played for 2 hours! She had so much fun and is now taking a very long nap :) I feel so acomplished when I've worn her out, and have earned a little down time to myself. Scott is still out of state and Jordyn and I miss him like crazy. We're excited to have him back for 10 days during Christmas.

In other updates, my Dad's cancer has spread and we're continueing to ask for prayers. He will be starting a new drug today and we have very high hopes for this one. He is a fighter and everyday I am amazed by his strength and positive attitude.

I'm hoping to be able to post some pictures soon, I'm not sure how to do at from my iPad just yet, but at 21 weeks I have gained 14 pounds (over achiever) and have a huge belly to show for it. Thank you for checking in on my family.

Bed rest... At 15 weeks

Subchoronic hematoma... Aka, a big old blood clot between my placenta and uterine wall.

I've never thought that I would openly be talking about my placenta, or uterus, but these days they come up in my everyday conversation.

Two weeks ago, I was relaxing on the couch, and when I stood up I felt a big gush. I went to the bathroom to find every pregnant woman's worst nightmare... Bright red blood, and a ton of it. Immediately panic set in, quickly followed by severe cramping. Anyway, I ended up driving myself to the ER. An ultrasound showed that we still had a heartbeat, but they weren't able to give an explanation for the bleeding. I was told to go home and do bed rest until my next appointment.

My mother-in-law came to stay with me and help me take care of Jordyn, and eventually the bleeding turned into spotting. At my follow up appointment, I was taken off bed rest and told to just take it easy. After 3 days of taking it "easy" the heavy bleeding returned. Another emergency ultrasound, but this one in the OB office showed a large blood clot under the edge of my placenta. The treatment being more bed rest, and no more nannying.

Jordyn and I are now staying with family since I'm not really allowed to lift anything and I'm officially out of a job. It's been a crazy 2 weeks, full of change and emotions. Scott and I are dealing with the financial changes, trying to be supportive of each other and praying that we are able to keep this baby.

So my official status is 15 weeks pregnant, on bed rest, with a subchorionic hematoma, high risk of late miscarriage and premature labor. Morning sickness is gone and I've gained 5 pounds.

Thanks for checking in on our expanding family.

So much to update...

Things couldn't be busier, more stressful and more exciting in the Davis household these days.

This past month has been a roller coaster of emotions for many reasons.

First: I took on another baby to watch in the middle of August, since I'll be loosing the little boy once he starts walking. So, in total I have been watching a 14 month old boy, a 15 month old girl and my almost 20 month old daughter. With these three babies I am unable to leave the house, even for walks. So I am now truly spending all of my time with humans under the age of 2. While I love these munchkins, I feel like a crazy person with no adult interaction. Especially since Scott is gone and nights are just Jordyn and I. I'm feeling more isolated and lonely than ever. It's been rough. It looks like I'll be back down to 1 baby in October and I am really looking forward to the mobility.

Second: Scott has been sent back to Ely, NV. He is living in a camper, in the middle of nowhere and working on average 13 hours a day with a 1 hour commute each way. Work has been so busy for him that we haven't been able to talk much during the day, and by the time he gets home we haven had much time to Skype. This has been really tough on him, i know he hates being away from his family and it breaks my heart to think of how he must be feeling. I dont know if i could do it. I am so grateful for my husband being able to make such great sacrifices for his family. Jordyn has been missing him quite a bit, sometimes she grabs my phone and asks for daddy. We always call him when she does this and she is excited when he can talk.

Third (and probably our biggest news): we found out that we're expecting again!!! While I couldn't be happier and more excited, I can't help but worry that I've bitten off more than I can chew. Scott and I have always wanted our kids close together, and we decided that we wouldn't let his work dictate our family spacing. I am so happy that our children will be just over 2 years apart as we're due in April. At the same time I don't know how I am going to be able to manage our toddler, nannying and this pregnancy all on my own. Yikes! Right now, I'm just about 9 weeks (very early) and feeling sick and exhausted all the time.

I never in my wildest dreams imagined that I would be spending my 4th year of marriage without Scott, that Jordyn would be spending her second year of life without being able to hug her Daddy everyday and that I would experience my second pregnancy without my husband right by my side. Even still, I am trying every day to focus on the positive and be thankful for all that I have. Not every day is easy, but there are moments in even the roughest days that remind me just how Blessed I am.

Poop

Parents know a lot about poop. Before I had Jordyn, I never, even in my wildest dreams thought I would be one of those people who consistently pays attention to and openly talks about poop, but here I am.

I've always known about brown poop, but not until I became a mom did I get the pleasure of learning about black poop, yellow poop, green poop and the scariest of all white poop. Definitely call the doctor if you ever see this illusive white poop. We've even had a spout of blue poop after eating a blue crayon. It is very important for parents to pay attention to the color, frequency and density of poop. Hospitals should really give out poop decoders to new parents.

Poop is gross, but everyone does it. It's smelly, and it's not something you ever want on your hand... or face, or shirt for that matter. I have been pooped on... A few times. The first I can remember when she was about a week old, it was terrible and traumatic for a first time mom. Projectile poop is normal for newborns, larned that lesson pretty quick. Toddler poop is much different, it smells worse but doesn't project through the air... Unless it's thrown. Over the last month Jordyn has become much more aware of her poop. She can now sign and say the word poop. Lord, I hope this means she is getting close to potty training. She has started trying to take off her diaper, and has even handed me a little turd twice. Yuck!

Potty training intimidates me to say the least, I don't even know where to begin. So far we're reading stories about the potty, she's watching me demonstrate while sitting on her own potty, and I'm making time for her to sit on the potty throughout the day. Still... Nothing though. Even if I catch her right before it looks like she's about to do her business, she clenches while she's on the pot, and releases as soon as we put the fresh diaper on her. Frustrating. I need some potty training advice. My hope is that with repetition she figures it out. Then we'll have a whole new set of poop issues to deal with.

Awww... Motherhood, it's a beautiful thing. I so do love my little poop monster.

Great Trip

Jordyn and I had an amazing trip to Minnesota. Getting to spend the entire week together as a family was just what we needed. We went to a baseball game, hung out by the pool, went out for frozen yogurt and had a lot of group hugs. With our friends Eric and Eimy, we managed to hit up 4 notable Food Network spots. Yum! We also explored the Mall of America, went for walks and drank lots of Starbucks. Life is pretty good when we're all together.

It was pretty clear that Jordyn enjoyed herself to the fullest on our trip too. She got to hang out with "Auntie Eimy" and "Uncle Eric" who share her same love of Yo Gabba Gabba, dancing, strawberries and Cheeze Its. Jordyn got to meet Dora and Boots at the Mall of America and was pretty much loved on and spoiled the entire time we were there. But she deserved it.

Jordyn is a full on talking, dancing, singing and climbing toddler. She has so much personality packed into her adorable, little, pig tail wearing self. She was perfect on all 3 plane rides, and I mean PERFECT. What other parent can say that about their toddler? She took long naps both ways and then watched episodes of Sesame Street and Yo Gabba Gabba on the iPad with her headphones and ate Goldfish crackers. The only stressful part of the trip was her small "blowout" that she had while landing in Pheonix that almost caused me to be late for our second flight... But other than that it was a breeze.

Of course now we're back to reality. Back to being a mostly single mom, relying on coffee, friends and Skype to get me through the day. My attitude is much better though. Much more of an "I can do this" attitude. I'm strong, I love my family and I'm ready to power through and make the best of this time apart from my hubby.

Traveling...

The month of July has been a busy one for us... Jordyn and I have flown out to see Scott twice in Minneapolis, and he's come home once. It's been amazing to be together so much, and Jordyn and I have loved getting to see Minneapolis and catch up with our friends Eimy and Eric that live in the area.

Jordyn is and amazing traveler for a toddler. So far she has pretty much gone with the flow and slept on most flights. She was even great when one of our flights was canceled and we had to spend 8 hours waiting in the airport for the next one, and also when I booked us on a 5 am flight because it was cheaper. The only hard part of traveling with her is all the stuff that we have to bring along... carseat, pack-n-play, stroller, diaper bag, and suitcase. It's a lot for one momma to handle, but we manage.

Here is a picture of Jordyn killing time before our first trip out to Minneapolis. Thank goodness we decided to purchase an iPad, and I was smart enough to download episodes of Yo Gabba Gabba and Sesame Street.

For our second trip out, I got even smarter and packed her an entire bag full of snacks and toys. This is her strutting her stuff with her new rolling backpack.

So, all in all, we're doing great and enjoying time as a family.