1 month old

Wow, I can't believe how quickly my little man is growing up.

He is already rolling over like crazy. Did it for the first time at exactly 3 weeks, and now I can't hardly get him to stay on his tummy.

Isaac's favorite pastimes these days are nursing, farting, filling diapers and watching his sister be silly. I love both of my monkeys, but at the end of the day I'm worn out!

Isaac Wayne Davis

He's here!!!

On April 6th at exactly 7:30 am Isaac Wayne Davis came into the world. Our little man weighed 6 lbs and 14 oz and measured 20 inches long (just a little smaller than his sister, but he was 2 weeks early and she was a week late).

The decision to have Isaac early was not an easy one. I wanted so badly to go into labor on my own and have a drug free, vaginal delivery, but unfortunately that was just not in the cards for us. After my blood clot had resolved, I thought we were in the clear, but of course not right? In and ultrasound we ended up finding that Isaac had an umbilical cord verix. This meant that his umbilical cord was dilated and enlarged. The concern with this is that there is a much greater chance of a blood clot developing in that vein, which could in turn cut off blood flow to the baby. This officially put us in the "high risk" department and had me in the doctor's office 3x a week from 32 weeks on. As we got closer to my due date, the decision was made that it would just be safest to take Mr. Isaac early.

Regardless of how he came into this world, I am very thankful to have happy and healthy baby boy. Recovery from the repeat C-section has been much easier. I was actually able to get up and shower on my own within 24 hours after having him and was able to go home just 48 hours after he was born. At just 3.5 weeks postpartum, I almost feel like my old self (minus the extra 12 pounds and the muffin top that I'm still lugging around).

Settling into our new life as a family of four has been pretty smooth. Jordyn did have some trouble for the first couple of days, but she seems to have gotten the hang of things. All of us are very thankful to have Scott home for the 6 weeks that we get him. I have no idea how I would be surviving with out him!!! Jordyn has really become a Daddy's girl, which Scott absolutely loves. I can't even begin to think about things after he leaves (it honestly gets hard to breathe), but I know that I'll find some inner strength and that we'll all survive.

While I wish this post about our life these days could continue to be all rosy and happy, talking about the birth of our son, I have to give an update on my dad.

It seems like these days my dad can't catch a freaking break. In March he was taken off the clinical trial drug because his white blood cells were measuring very low, and he needed to give his immune system a break. About 10 days later he went back on the drug. Unfortunately every time he goes off the drug he has to suffer with his body going through withdraws, and then every time he starts it back up again he has to go through all the initial harsher side effects (annoying, but okay, he can deal with this). He then developed pancreatitis (more than just annoying, scary and painful). To combat his pancreatitis, he was put on a clear liquid diet for 3 days and then a strict NO fat diet. Sometimes I swear it is just one thing after another for him. I hate Cancer!!! The pancreatitis caused him to lose quite a bit of weight and make him feel miserable and weak. Thankfully, he wasn't forced to cancel his trip to Hawaii with Maygan and the boys.

Just as he was starting to get back into a rhythm, he was hit with something new and much scarier. Sometime between very late on Sunday, April 22nd and very early Monday April 23rd, my dad suffered a stroke. He was taken to the ER very early Monday morning. When I arrived hours later to the ICU, my dad was unable to speak or move the right side of his body. All I could do is cry and pray and cry some more.

It seems as though God was listening to my prayers, because a week later he is on his way to recovery and making great strides. I never thought that seeing my dad walk could bring tears to my eyes, the same with watching him tie his shoe, or send a text message. He is still in the hospital, currently in the Intensive Therapy Unit, and working incredibly hard in getting back to his old self. I am absolutely amazed by his strength and determination through all of this. Most days while I'm visiting him in the hospital, he is making me laugh with his jokes, or in the way he loves to give the nurses a hard time. He is going to have a very long road to recovery, but I am thankful for his determination and good spirits. So far his biggest challenge in recovery has been regaining his speech. It is difficult for me to see him frustrated and I pray every day that things get easier for him.

Nighttime feedings with Isaac and daily commutes to the hospital have left me pretty exhausted these days so I'm going to end this post now. I ask that anyone who has taken the time to read all my sleepy babble, please take the time to pray for my father's health.

I'm trying...

There really isn't any point in reading this post, because it's mostly just me venting. I'm crazy, emotional and pregnant. A lot of people have heard me complain about how tough things are right now, and some have even read about it through my blog or Facebook. Anyone close to us knows that the last year and a half has not been the easiest for us. I've always been a firm believer that God doesn't give you anything that you can't handle, and that I should always be looking for life's lessons in each of our hardships... But lately I have been struggling.

Jordyn has hands down been the greatest blessing God has ever given me. The first moment I looked into her eyes, my entire life took on a whole new purpose. I never imagined I could love someone so much. I feel such great responsibility to be a good mom, and have tried my best to always put her first. I'm sure I've made plenty of mistakes in mothering, but I promise that my heart has always been in the right place. After months of daycare, Scott and I decided it would be best if I were able to stay at home with her. I'm constantly obsessing if she is on track with development, eating well enough, getting enough sleep and generally being happy.

Just a few months after Jordyn's birth, we found out that my Dad has stage 4 thyroid cancer. I can't even begin to describe how devastating this has been for us and the amount of heartache this has caused for our family. Even writing this now, I'm having to pause to wipe the tears from my eyes. This hasn't been a subject that I have opened up about to too many people, for many reasons: I don't want pitty, when people acknowledge my feelings it makes me cry, this isn't about me and my feelings (it's about my Dad), most people don't understand and I don't expect them to, there isn't anything anyone can say that could make it better, I want to be strong, I don't want to make people feel awkward, and honestly I don't want to think about Cancer... I don't want it to be real. I don't want my Dad to read this or know how much I worry because I don't want him to worry about me. Cancer is impossible and unfair. Every time we get bad news it sends me into panic mode and I start thinking about all of the negative outcomes. He is so strong and positive, I am so thankful that he is such a fighter. He is currently on his second clinical trial drug and we are praying it's effective. I am doing my best to stay positive with him.

Last March Scott's job sent him to Ely, Nevada. Not having him here with me everyday sucks. He is such a good dad and husband... We need him! I know it sucks even worse for him. It's lonely on both ends. I'm here isolated with Jordyn and he's just isolated. For a whie I was watching other babies and spending all of my time with people in diapers, starving for adult interaction, but now it's just Jordyn and me. He spends all his time with smelly construction workers and then goes home to live in a motorhome all alone. Jordyn misses her dad and I miss my husband. It's tough to do simple things like get a hair cut or go to the doctor because Jordyn has to go with me. I complain about him being gone all the time and I wish I could be stronger, but I'm trying. Being a single parent is hard. It requires a lot of energy, and can be very lonely. I still can't believe that Scott has been gone for almost a year now.

One would think that we had a pretty full plate by this point, but we're crazy and wanted to add another baby to the mix. I am so happy to be pregnant again, and feel so blessed to be expecting a boy this April. Scott and I always wanted our kids close together and we both really wanted my Dad to be around for all of our children. Still, some people still think we're crazy and maybe even irresponsible for spreading ourselves so thin... To them I say boo! Of course this pregnancy has had complications... I almost lost him at 13 weeks and was put on bed rest. How the hell does a full time mom do bed rest? I have had to rely on family so much and I hate doing that! Since baby boy Davis is measuring so big, it looks lime I'm going to have to have a repeat C-section. Scott gets to take 4 weeks of f whe. This baby is born, but I'm nervous about handling both kids on my own when he leaves while still trying to heal from major surgery. I have no idea how I'm going to be able to do all of this, but I'm going to try my best.

I am trying so hard to hold everything together and still be a good mom, wife, daughter, sister, daughter-in-law and friend, but I sometimes feel like I'm failing at everything. I don't know why I'm bitching about all of this in a blog late at night, maybe it's because I got in a fight with my mother-in-law and miss my husband and can't sleep.