Missing Daddy

How the hell do single moms do it?

I feel so lonely at night that I can never sleep. Every sound has me on edge and most nights I end up pulling Jordyn into bed with me. I'm a wimp, and I miss my husband. I'm always up late now, running on little to no sleep, because I just can't seem to relax enough to fall asleep at night.

I've been so thankful to all of my friends and family who have stepped up to the plate to invite me over for dinner, offer to babysit, or even just stopped by and paid me a visit. I'm not very good about asking for help, or even taking it when it's been offered (dont want to burdon anyone) but I've really needed it lately. Thank you. I miss my adult interaction, and it can get very lonely sometimes staying home all day with the babies and the having it just be Jordyn and I at night. I can't wait for Scott to get home, he truly is my other half and I just function better when he's around.

I want to be an amazing mom, I want to be supermom. I want to be able to prepare fresh organic foods for all of our meals, make crafts, have a clean house and still have time to teach my daughter everything that she needs to know. It is such a struggle some days. Somedays I wake up, the house is a mess, I'm a mess and I really just don't want to function for the day. I know it sounds selfish, but this mom stuff can be tough sometimes.

Today was one of those days. Jordyn fussed or cried most of the day and night. I felt like I was trying to entertain and keep her happy the whole day. When I wasn't entertaining, I was making lunch or dinner, I was cleaning up from the weekend, or putting away groceries, all the while wishing I could take a nap. It's really tough without Scott here sometimes... I really need that break at the end of the day. Thank goodness He comes home on Friday... There is a light at the end of the tunnel.

To Jordyn,

Being your mom is the best thing I have ever done in my life. I feel so amazingly blessed to have you, but not every day is easy. We both miss Daddy, but of course we will get through this. Someday you will probably not even remember him being gone, and that's a good thing. We both love you so very much. I promise to be the best mommy I know how, even when I'm completely tired and sad.

To Scott,

I am so thankful for you and the sacrifices you are willing to make for our family. I love you so much and feel so blessed to have you as my husband. You are my best friend. Please come home to us safetly and soon.

I love my family.

This is us getting out and feeding the ducks... So nice to get out of the house with my sweet girl.

16 months!

Jordyn is such a toddler these days. She is running, jumping, kicking and climbing onto everything. She has taught herself how to climb in and out of Ethan's exersaucer, and tries to do so every time i turn my back.

Jordyn also has a strong opinion these days. She is the biggest food critic, and not shy about speaking up if she isn't a fan of what's on the menu. She will often toss the entire meal right onto the floor (we're currently working on this. She also likes to dress herself. The other morning I found her sifting through the pile of clothes that I had just pulled out of the dryer and noticed that she was sporting a few pairs of my underwear around her neck, along with my tank top and a couple of my headbands. Thank goodness they were clean clothes!

Hawaii was amazing. One of the best trips ever, it was so hard to get on that plane to go home. The trip was full of sunshine, lava flows and beach time. Jordyn only minorly lost it on the plane rides, and the complimentary Mai Tais helped with that. She got to feel sand on her feet for the first time, which she hated, and play in the ocean for the first time, which she also wasn't a fan of. She did absolutely love the pool though and all of the attention she received from her uncles, Jack and Ty. Scott and I managed to steal away for a bit just the two of and took a boat ride to the Napali coast. It was absolutely beautiful, despite my motion sickness.

Unfortunately shortly after returning home I had to go in for surgery. I was very thankful that Scott was able to take off some extra time from work so he could be there when I woke up from my anesthesia. The surgery was a success and after two weeks of recovery, I am back to normal.

Scott comes home at the end of this week, and I can hardly wait. We Skype as often as possible, but there is nothing like the real thing. Jordyn and I can't wait to wrap out arms around him.