I feel so lonely at night that I can never sleep. Every sound has me on edge and most nights I end up pulling Jordyn into bed with me. I'm a wimp, and I miss my husband. I'm always up late now, running on little to no sleep, because I just can't seem to relax enough to fall asleep at night.
I've been so thankful to all of my friends and family who have stepped up to the plate to invite me over for dinner, offer to babysit, or even just stopped by and paid me a visit. I'm not very good about asking for help, or even taking it when it's been offered (dont want to burdon anyone) but I've really needed it lately. Thank you. I miss my adult interaction, and it can get very lonely sometimes staying home all day with the babies and the having it just be Jordyn and I at night. I can't wait for Scott to get home, he truly is my other half and I just function better when he's around.
I want to be an amazing mom, I want to be supermom. I want to be able to prepare fresh organic foods for all of our meals, make crafts, have a clean house and still have time to teach my daughter everything that she needs to know. It is such a struggle some days. Somedays I wake up, the house is a mess, I'm a mess and I really just don't want to function for the day. I know it sounds selfish, but this mom stuff can be tough sometimes.
Today was one of those days. Jordyn fussed or cried most of the day and night. I felt like I was trying to entertain and keep her happy the whole day. When I wasn't entertaining, I was making lunch or dinner, I was cleaning up from the weekend, or putting away groceries, all the while wishing I could take a nap. It's really tough without Scott here sometimes... I really need that break at the end of the day. Thank goodness He comes home on Friday... There is a light at the end of the tunnel.
To Jordyn,
Being your mom is the best thing I have ever done in my life. I feel so amazingly blessed to have you, but not every day is easy. We both miss Daddy, but of course we will get through this. Someday you will probably not even remember him being gone, and that's a good thing. We both love you so very much. I promise to be the best mommy I know how, even when I'm completely tired and sad.
To Scott,
I am so thankful for you and the sacrifices you are willing to make for our family. I love you so much and feel so blessed to have you as my husband. You are my best friend. Please come home to us safetly and soon.
I love my family.
This is us getting out and feeding the ducks... So nice to get out of the house with my sweet girl.
Oh, my sweet cousin I FEEL you!! Jon and I have been separated 5 of the last 10 months and it was HARD. Where is Scott? I feel like I should know, but I'm at a loss. Hang in there. I suck at asking for help too but I have realized that you rob others of the opportunity to serve and rob yourself of the opportunity to learn to be vulnerable. Love you. Wished you lived closer.
ReplyDeleteHey Shama,
ReplyDeleteScott will be bouncing between Nevada and Minnesota for the next year. He gets to come home once a month though. I wish we lived closer too. We miss you guys. We'll have to plan something fun for one of the weekends that he comes home.